Life has a way of settling into rhythms. We wake up to the same alarm, eat familiar meals, head to the same job, and wind down with weekend routines that rarely stray too far from the norm. There's comfort in the predictable—until, of course, the unpredictable shows up.
Even when our lives seem steady, change is always hovering in the background. It may come as a rite of passage, a shift in our responsibilities, or something more sudden and jarring—a loss, a diagnosis, a layoff. We know these moments are possible, yet we often carry on with business as usual, clinging to routines like a safety net.
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Life often feels paradoxical. Less often feels like more. The easy road tends to be more difficult in the long run.
One that I come across frequently is the idea that freedom and responsibility are linked. If we are irresponsible, we tend to lose freedoms. But if we take care of what we need to, we gain more freedom to do what we want in life.
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Life often presents feedback to us regarding our life. It could be the ping of guilt to start budgeting money or the tiredness that tells us we need to start exercising.
While these are frequent, most miss the warning sign. They may notice them but through denial or indifference, they avoid taking action.
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The other day I was listening to someone complain about the current state of the world. They pointed to all the violence and hatred that exists. They said political views divide families and friends. They are argued that crime has never been higher, and that people have never been more selfish.
Most of our personal worlds revolve around systems that impact us. It could be relationships with family, our workload at our job, the weather and economic makeup of our community, our choices in entertainment, etc. Certainly, those can be negative.
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Most people live their life without exploring the systems all around us. They remain in the 5 o’clock news version of life. They get all the highlights and the attention-grabbing headlines but barely understand what actually happened or why.
Take Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. News reports at the time reported rapes, murders, roving gangs, gunshots ringing out, etc. That image has remained. The mayor even perpetuated those. Column writers, pundits, journalists all piled on and took those reports and grew them larger and larger and larger.
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In systems thinking there is what is known as the systems thinking iceberg. It represents the layers of a system that often go unnoticed.
The use of an iceberg is deliberate. Only 10% of the iceberg is seen from the surface. That means that most (90%) of the frozen ice is beneath the surface and less detectable.
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I tend to discourage the idea of change for the sake of change. If you are going to change, do so to improve some aspect of your life. Sure, it is nice to take a trip to a new beach or try a new meal at a restaurant.
But when it comes to self-improvement, I tend to promote the idea that we should look for improvement, or at least the possibility of improvement, whenever we change.
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In today's world, we often hear that we must push ourselves to the limit. The message is clear: if we’re not sacrificing everything for our goals, then we’re not trying hard enough.
But that’s simply not true.
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For many of us, life becomes predictable. The alarm rings at the same time every morning. Breakfast looks the same day after day. We go to the same job, visit the same restaurants, and stick to familiar weekend routines.
Even for those who seek variety, much of life tends to follow patterns—until something changes. A sudden shift or a major life event can disrupt the rhythm. And yet, through all this routine, there’s always an air of uncertainty. Nothing is guaranteed.
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The other day, I had a lighthearted conversation with my daughter about her interests. She said, half-jokingly, “I don’t want to do all the hard work—I just want to be really good at it.”
We both laughed, but her comment pointed to a truth that’s hard to ignore: most of us want to skip the hard parts. We don’t want to feel awkward or wrestle with the challenges of figuring things out. If we’re honest, wouldn’t it be amazing to have the talent without the training?
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When adopting a systems and habits approach to self-improvement, one area that often creates confusion is measurement. How do we ensure we're on the right track?
Measurement plays a crucial role in personal growth. By tracking both the actions we take and the results we achieve, we gain clarity on our progress. However, because systems emphasize progress over perfection, I place greater focus on the daily actions we take rather than obsessing over immediate outcomes.
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When working to change the systems and habits in our lives, one quality consistently proves essential: resilience. True progress isn’t about making a single change and expecting immediate results. Instead, it’s about committing to sustained, intentional effort over time.
The systems and habits approach to improvement emphasizes gradually adjusting our recurring thoughts and actions rather than chasing instant transformations. This perspective makes change more approachable. Rather than relying solely on willpower to achieve quick results, the focus shifts to steady, consistent actions that build momentum over the long haul.
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Throughout my career, I’ve worked for companies with busy seasons and others that seemed to operate in a constant state of busyness. A common sentiment in these environments is that people feel too swamped to focus on becoming more efficient, improving their skills, or coaching their teams to grow.
Unfortunately, this mindset often spills over into life outside of work. Many of us carry that same “too busy” excuse into our personal lives, always putting off the things we know we should do to improve ourselves.
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When you start using a systems and habits approach to improvement, you’ll naturally experiment with different strategies. Some will work, and some won’t. That’s part of the process.
The key is to identify the systems that consistently move the needle for you. These “cornerstone systems” do more than just help you achieve one goal—they support multiple areas of growth. They create a foundation for long-term, systematic improvement.
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We’ve all been there. You set out to make a positive change, gave it your all, and still fell short of the goal. It’s frustrating, even demoralizing, but it doesn’t have to signal the end of your journey.
One challenge with the systems and habits approach to self-improvement is the significant investment of time and effort it often requires. You might find yourself working tirelessly to build a new system, only to realize later that it’s not as effective as you’d hoped for achieving your desired outcome.
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A recurring theme in the Tao Te Ching is the idea that the sage avoids extremes. This ancient wisdom, while timeless, often feels drowned out in the noise of today’s world.
Rather than accepting life as it unfolds and seeking fulfillment within, we’ve become fixated on external solutions. When life falls short of our expectations, we cast blame outward. If we’re dissatisfied with our circumstances, we long for vast wealth or power to change our reality.
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Years ago, I helped launch a fitness franchise. It was a rewarding experience, but one that opened my eyes to something surprising: people often resist what's good for them.
Day after day, I’d watch people walk into the gym, pour out heartfelt reasons for wanting to get healthy—doctors' warnings, family motivations, personal goals—but still walk away without signing up. Meanwhile, across the street, the fast-food drive-thru was packed. No hesitation, no internal struggle—just instant gratification.
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When life doesn’t go as planned, it’s easy to external aspects. But the truth is, our outcomes are often shaped by something far more personal: our habits.
Years ago I had to terminate employment for someone I worked with for a while. They had gotten to a point where they angered many people in the organization and acted like an unprofessional brat when things didn’t go their way. Despite our repeated attempts to correct the behavior and let them know of the seriousness, they kept falling on bad habits, responding with anger and conflict instead of understanding and improvement. When we let them go, they blamed everyone else, stating it was other’s stupidity that caused their reaction, so they shouldn’t be accountable for it. .
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We all understand the power of compound interest: small investments, given enough time, grow exponentially. But this principle doesn’t just apply to finances—it’s equally transformative when applied to habits.
Habits are the compound interest of self-improvement. Small, consistent actions—like drinking more water, walking for 10 minutes, or reading a single page of a book—may feel insignificant today. But over time, they build on each other, creating meaningful, lasting change.
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We all long for certainty. We want clear answers, sharp lines, and obvious choices. But life isn’t made of black and white — it’s painted in shades of grey.
Learning to move forward without all the answers is one of the most powerful skills you can build.
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