There are many misconceptions about systems and habits. Many believe that being systematic in one’s approach to a goal will negate the ability to pivot and be flexible. They tend to feel that there is a continuum with flexible and creative on one side and the opposite end systematic and habitual.
But this is not the case. The Tao Te Ching is an incredible book that dives into the paradoxical nature of things. It shows that opposites tend to exist together, rather than separately.
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In order to build trust in any situation, we have to demonstrate consistency in our behaviors and in our decisions. Without consistency there isn’t trust. But trust is one of those areas where many feel entitlement. They don’t realize that earning trust means consistently doing the right thing.
A great advantage of looking systematically at problems and opportunities and implementing habit changes is that this will automatically build trust. Others will see the consistency and it will translate into trust that you will behave in a certain way.
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Success often comes at a price that many of us are not willing to pay. Most examples of extreme success come in the way of someone who had enormous sacrifice in order to reach the top.
While this may sound like a great example to follow, it isn’t. Life requires balance. Yet balance gets completely ignored when we are enamored by some glowing success story. But the story behind the success often has a much different lesson.
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Most of my articles speak to the perspective of looking at improvement from a systematic mindset. Or I spend time elaborating on basic principles of systems and how to form habits to reach a goal.
But these are really the fundamental basics. They are incredibly important but in order to truly improve and grow you will need to expand behind this basic understanding of systems.
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Mistakes happen. Regardless of who you are you will experience times when you do something that puts you in a bad situation. This is something that can’t be avoided. But what is interesting is that your response after the mistake is up to you.
In The Art of Learning by chess champion Josh Waitzkin the author discusses the downward spiral that occurs when an initial mistake is made and subsequently turns into a series of mistakes.
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I enjoy watching sports, especially football. Every week there are examples of every type of outcome. Some teams win and some lose and week-to-week the analysts seem to make too much out of each game. One loss and suddenly everybody thinks this team is a failure. After a strong performance a player is suddenly in the race for the Heisman trophy.
But somehow teams continue to stump the analysts with performances that don’t seem to fit with their previous body of work. It’s as though football is more complex than a few X’s and O’s.
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Change is something that most people try to avoid. Consistency tends to bring comfort and change tends to invoke anxious feelings.
But nothing good has ever happened without change. Change has preceded every great thing in your life. Landing that great new job, getting a promotion, finding a new love, moving to a new apartment, having a new child are all examples of times when change causes something great in our lives.
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As humans we tend to judge one another. It is ingrained in us to make judgments and form opinions of others. We say that Jeff is nice or that Sue is an aggressive sales person. We say that you don’t want to cross Thomas or that Julie is always there when you need help.
While most of us feel that we are identifying embedded characteristics of someone, we aren’t always correct. The reality is that our judgment of someone might be completely different than another person’s judgment of that same person.
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There are numerous benefits to taking the slow and methodical, systems and habits approach to your goals. One benefit that can be overlooked but is very valuable is that people tend to focus on what you consistently do rather than a single occurrence.
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“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” Helen Keller is quoted often in motivational articles to show that anything is possible. Despite enormous physical limitations, Helen Keller rises above her inability to see or hear to live an extraordinary life.
Her actual quote is actually a bit longer. She said, “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”
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For some reason our society views letting go the same as giving up. If we let go of some control people mistakenly believe that we gave up. But I have found that there is a great need in all of our lives to let go but not to give up.
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Our lives are becoming increasingly complex. As we get older and start to add responsibilities we start to get overwhelmed. We add family, career, hobbies, vacations, investments, etc. All of these things add to the complexities in life.
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I love college football. Something that happens every year is that good teams will struggle and bad teams will rise up and get a surprising victory. Because of the variations from week to week, it is very difficult to truly evaluate the college football landscape. Yet the college football analysts insist they know the answers and can see the future for each of these teams.
Alabama has been a powerhouse over the last 5-10 years. They have dominated in many years and have been near the top other years. Yet a few big losses have the experts ruling them out. They criticize the team and expect them to fail.
This week they came back and had a big win. After the game the Alabama coach Nick Saban addressed this premature judgment of his team when he said “We are what we are as an identity only if it happens on a continuum. You always have the next challenge.”
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Years ago I read an article about a Navy SEAL who was reflecting on some of the insight he gained through the Navy’s extreme training program to become a SEAL. When we think of Navy SEALs we tend to think of warrior cowboys who always take control and would fight first and evaluate second.
But I have read a lot of books on the Navy SEALs and I am always surprised at the incredible wisdom of these individuals. They don’t act without thinking. They train to the point where decisions can be made quickly and their natural instinct is to be quick and effective because they have reinforced the best possible habits prior to their actual mission.
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Stress is something that is prevalent in our society. Our culture today reflects the emphasis that we have put on success. We have been conditioned to always want more. We want more money, more fame, more awards, more friends, more likes on Facebook, more alcohol, more clothes etc. But the often-overlooked aspect of wanting more is that we are not content. This discontentment leads to unhappiness and stress.
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This means that the argument over punishment or reward is often the wrong argument all together. What we should be looking at is how can we improve over time. In other words, how do we take our mean (average) performance and improve that over time. Not simply focus on the times we fall far outside of the mean and apply praise or correction then.
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Our society relies heavily on storytelling. Watch the evening news and you will see some statistics but mostly you will see stories. Stories and eye witness reports with data to back up their point of view for the article. What you typically don’t see is an unbiased look at an event or situation.
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If you are improving and moving forward understand that you are trending in the right direction. Embrace it and continue to take steps towards your goal.
However if you are consistently making bad decisions and following bad habits and routines then that trend will also likely continue. The best way to change it is to realize that you have to attack the trend. Do this by making small strides in the right direction and doing them consistently.
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In the last article, I discussed the subconscious mind and explained that there is enormous opportunity for improvement. The best way to access this unaware part of our minds is by focusing on improving the systems and habits in our lives. But the reality is that this is just one small part of it. There are actually several keys to improving the unaware part of our mind.
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